The Dissipation of a Niggle of Guilt

I had just spoken to a group of Christian women. The response had been wonderful, God’s presence evident. It was thrilling and humbling to know He had used my words to draw women closer to Himself.

One of those woman approached and asked which of my books I would recommend. We moved to the book table and chatted. She chose a devotional book and asked me to sign it. When she moved away, one of the leaders of the organization approached. I could tell she was not pleased. She explained that she’d been talking with another author who had applied to be a speaker for the group. “She told me someone had told her that our group was a good place to sell books.”

Her eyebrows arched. I knew she knew that “someone” was me. I was puzzled as to why the woman was upset until she said, “We’re in the business of bringing people to Christ, not selling books!” She marched off before I could respond.

I pondered her words, and my motives, as I drove home. Was I wrong to sell my books at these venues? I prayed about it and when I received an email from someone telling me how one of my books had helped her, I realized God had answered.

I realized, too, the leader of that group failed to see my books as an extension of the ministry God had given me.

This wasn’t a new experience. Even mentioning my books in a church sometimes met with disapproval. But I have seen how God has worked through the words in my writing. His calling on my life has been confirmed over and over again, often at times of discouragement, when I needed it most.

Perhaps the negative reaction of some Christians lurked in my subconscious when I contemplated launching an IndieGoGo campaign to help fund the illustrations for my children’s book, Merrigold’s Very Best Home. I was hesitant to do it and doubted that it would be successful but my publisher pushed me to give it a try.

When the campaign soared to the 50% mark in the first five days I was amazed, and deeply humbled by the generosity of the sponsors. But something still niggled. Wasn’t there something wrong with asking for money to do this? When two sizable donations arrived one morning, that niggle of guilt increased.

I don’t think it was an accident that the email I received from Scripture Union Canada that same morning dealt with 1Chronicles 29:1-20. For several days previous, I’d been following the story of David’s desire to build the temple in Jerusalem, and was struck again by God’s provision. I found myself wishing I’d been there in those days, so that I too could give toward the building project David initiated and tasked his son Solomon to complete. On that particular morning, the words of the scripture struck me in a different way. David lists all that he has given to the project, then addresses the leaders of Israel and asks, “ … now, who is willing to consecrate themselves to the Lord today?” (1 Chronicles 29:5).

The next two verses hit me.

“Then the leaders of families, the officers of the tribes of Israel, the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds, and the officials in charge of the king’s work gave willingly. They gave toward the work on the temple of God …”

David asked the people to give because it was the Lord’s project, a part of the building of God’s kingdom on earth. They responded generously and with joy because they too realized it was a privilege to be able to do so.

David goes on in verse 14 – “But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. … And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you.”

I do not suggest that my tiny children’s book project is in any way comparable to the building of the temple in Jerusalem. But I know that it is a tiny thing that is God-ordained. It has been obvious that it is His will that this book be completed and I believe it is His will that others are given the opportunity to contribute to it. It may be a very tiny pebble in the grand scheme of the building of His kingdom, but God seems to think it needs to be there.

And so I pray, with David – “Lord, …keep these desires and thoughts in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you” (1Chronicles 29:18).

May we all continue to build His kingdom together, one tiny pebble at a time.

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