True Faith Acknowledges True Love

Why is it we struggle to believe God loves us? The enemy of our souls keeps whispering, and sometimes screaming, that God does not even care that we exist. That’s how I felt when I was in high school, watching some of my teachers who seemed to have a strong connection to God. I tried to do all the things I was told would get me into his “good books” but none of it worked. I knew I was faking it and eventually became frustrated and angry, sure that God wanted nothing to do with me. So I walked away from the church and from God, telling myself He didn’t exist.

I think there is an underlying knowledge in our souls that we are part of the world that “lay in sin and error pining,” as that wonderful Christmas carol, Oh Holy Night, says. We are all too aware of our dark side, the side that is capable of horrific things. We cringe when we hear about those who commit them, because deep down inside we know we are no better.

There is a story about a Jewish man who was called to give testimony at the Nuremberg trials at the end of World War 2. The man had been a victim of the Holocaust, imprisoned in one of the camps where thousands were tortured to death. As he walked toward the witness box, he faced one of his torturers and collapsed. The judge assumed he was overwhelmed by the atrocities that had been committed by the Nazi on trial, but he said no, he was overwhelmed by the knowledge that he was capable of doing the same.

Yes, we know the depth of our darkness, if we are honest with ourselves. But that darkness has been overcome by the mercy and grace of God. To deny that truth is to deny what Christ’s death means – that we have been freed from the chains of our sin and made righteous. As the wonderful  O Holy Night, says, “He appeared, and the soul felt its worth.”

Henri Nouwen says it well – “When Jesus talks about faith he means first of all to trust unreservedly that you are loved, so that you can abandon every false way of obtaining it.” We can live in the light of that truth by staying close to God, reading His word, following His commands, listening to the Holy Spirit who lives within us.

When we listen to His voice, the enemy has no power over us. We belong to Jesus. He knows us, loves us deeply and “as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.” (Isaiah 62:5)

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Remembering Mom

I attended a play at the Rosebud Theatre some time ago. It was a comedy about death. The dead person was a mother and two of us sitting in the audience had just lost our mothers to that very real and ever-present scourge, cancer. You wouldn’t think we’d find anything about that play funny, but we did. We laughed uproariously as the “Last Supper Committee” prepared the lunch in the kitchen and the harried funeral director tried to manipulate everything so that there would be at least a few people attending the “viewing.” You see the mother in this play wasn’t someone you would remember fondly. But I laughed and I cried and I thought of my mom.

Mom’s life wasn’t always easy. She was an only child of a single mother, raised in a small town during the 20’s and 30’s. She started to work in a florist’s shop when she was only twelve, met my father when she was sixteen, married him when she was seventeen but didn’t tell anyone for a year due to “complications” in both families. They had two children and then she said good-bye to her husband for almost six years as the Second World War raged. She welcomed a stranger home at the end of that time, had two more children and followed him five hundred miles to a new community and a new risk as they opened their first family shoe store. They opened a second store just as a large department store opened across the street. They lost their businesses, their home, more than a few friends. My mom’s mother came to live with us all and more challenges came with her. My father developed bleeding ulcers and almost died. More than once.

Through it all, Mom clung to her faith in God and tried to put a positive spin on even the most difficult of circumstances. When she was eighty years old someone gave her a new purse. When I admired it she said, “Yes, it’s nice but it’s kind of an old lady’s purse, don’t you think?” When I reminded her of her age she looked surprised, then laughed at herself. “But I’m not that old, really,” she said. It was many more years before she finally did seem “that old.”

My mother would have liked the play we saw in Rosebud. She had a strong sense of irony and a deep vein of humour that often rose to the surface for all to see. She would have liked the honesty of it – the way the characters finally admit their true feelings, their fears and their flaws. She would have liked the healing of it too – the healing that happened in the play and the healing that happened in the audience. Because Mom knew you couldn’t take life or death too seriously. She knew there was something more for us all. Now she’s enjoying that “something more” firsthand. I miss her. But I smile when I think of her. And that’s a gift for which I am very grateful.

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