Or was it an Epiphany?

Confession – and a warning – this post contains a lot of grumbling. But stay with me, it does turn a corner!

I’ve been fretting a lot lately. About money, or more specifically, the lack of it. My writing career has not supplied the income I once thought it might, in my long-ago naiveté. I’ve struggled to get the word out about my books, been frustrated by all those wonderful people who tell me what a good writer I am but never leave a review on Amazon. I’ve struggled to run ads for my fantasy books, which my beta readers and those few who’ve purchased the books say they loved.

For a time, book sales from speaking and teaching engagements managed to give me enough to keep writing and self-publishing, until Covid hit and all the speaking/teaching gigs dried up like grapes in a drought. Now I have books I want to have published but little funds to do it.

Reaching our goal in a recent Crowdfundr campaign was a huge boon that will allow me to publish my newest book, Flecks of Gold. But now we have a massive bill to pay for reclamation on our flooded basement and I’m concerned about how to purchase my own copies of that book, once it has been published.

My publisher suggested posting my latest fantasy book as a series on Substack. She suggested putting it behand a paywall. It’s been a lot of fun doing it but so far it has gone unnoticed. I have only 1 subscriber. (You can find it here, if interested).

Then I clicked into a group I’m part of to find they were all celebrating the success of one of the members who had just joined the “100K Club.” Yes, that was his income from his book sales. Now ordinarily I’d celebrate with them, with only a slight sigh, but the man writes what I would label pornography. I don’t even like to look at the covers of his books. It made me want to scream, “Lord, why?!!”

I remembered there was a verse somewhere in the Bible about the wicked prospering, so I looked it up. In the book of Jeremiah chapter 12, verse 1, the prophet cries – “Why does the way of the wicked prosper?”

God answers in verses 5 to 17. Verse 13 says – “They have sown wheat and have reaped thorns; they have tired themselves out but profit nothing. They shall be ashamed of their harvest because of the fierce anger of the Lord.” (ESV)

I did not doubt that last sentence, but “profit nothing?” 100K didn’t seem like nothing. And I continued to grumble.

Then I sat down to watch TV with my husband. As he scrolled through Netflix I saw that Babette’s Feast was on the list. I told him that book/film had often been recommended. He wasn’t keen since it’s a Danish film with English subtitles, but he humoured me.

It started off slowly and I feared my DH might suggest we find something a bit more lively. But it didn’t take long before we were both totally engaged in the simple story.

SPOILER ALERT

It’s about two middle aged women who have lived a simple and devout life. A series of circumstances brings a French woman, Babette, into their home. Over time Babette’s presence brightens their lives, most notably by her good cooking. Then fortune smiles on them all. Or is it Providence? Babette wins a lottery.

The sisters fear she will now leave them and return to France. But Babette has another plan. She spends all her winnings, an outrageous amount, to prepare a feast for the two women and all their friends. They all relish the delicacies she has prepared for them, the good wine, the exotic dishes. But they have made a covenant to say nothing at all about the meal. So they leave without giving the cook any recognition, any accolades, any praise at all.

When the two Danish women discover that Babette has impoverished herself by the extravagant gift, and confront her, she says, “Oh, my friends, an artist in never poor.”

Cue the proverbial slap upside the head with a 2×4. The phrase kept ringing like a massive bell in my brain. ‘An artist is never poor.’

Oh! Oh how true! For an artist, especially an artist who has faith, has the joy in creating, the joy of seeing a life touched, perhaps even a life changed. An artist doing what God has given her to do need never be ashamed of the harvest, however small it may be. The art itself is payment enough.

And did not our Lord do exactly what Babette did? He gave everything He had, including His very life, that we may have mercy and grace and joy in abundance, in the very presence of our Father in heaven. We, His artists, are rich indeed.

Then I remembered some other verses in the Bible – Matthew 6:25 -27 – “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. … Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you, by worrying, can add a single hour to his life?”

And then verses 31-33 – “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.”

And I remembered the many, many, times those verses have been true in my life in the past. And I stopped grumbling. I stopped stressing and started trusting again.

And in case I’m tempted to forget – and I know I will be — I’m going to post Babette’s words in my office.

“An artist is never poor.”

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